Last week Microsoft announced to its workforce that it was unfortunately going to have to lay most of them off as AI could do their job better and would not demand a 401k or health benefits.
As most of Microsoft's workers live in India, this appears to not be much of a problem here in the U.S. except for one guy named Jed who used to be a coal miner who learned to code after losing his job due to climate change and now has lost his job due to AI. Microsoft has reportedly told Jed to learn to throw Molotov cocktails.
But that's not all that happened last week!
Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason. (Title headline by optimus_bardlederp.)
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
Rubio Tapped To Be New Captain Of The Starship Enterprise @baberahamlincoln
Wife Says She Can Stop Drinking Pumpkin Spice Latte At Any Time @twoplus2ischicken
Local Neighbor Wins Contest For Scariest Halloween Decorations With Political Signs @slayinggiants
Study: America's Decline Began The Moment Do-It-Yourself Tips Were Rebranded 'Life Hacks' @neohillbilly
Ilhan Omar Forced To Push Her Muslim Brother/husband Off A Tall Building After Learning He Is Gay @thebigfreeze
So Brave: Despite Time Change, Nation's Toddlers Collude To Preserve Original Bedtime Schedule @murf
Cat And Baby Unite In Pushing Stuff Off Tables @tenterlena
Political Candidate Against Data Centers Uses Data From Data Centers To Make Argument Opposing Data Centers @drconservativeprof
Somali Kids Score Big Candy Load By Vouching They Had 8 Siblings At Home They Were Trick-Or-Treating For @dontslowtheearth
Dad Facing Charges For Skipping Words In Bedtime Book @middleaged_machinist
Tampa Bay Rays World Series Champions T-Shirts Shipped Straight To Somalia @annafillaxis
Former Pollster Relegated To Fast Food Job Asks "Would You Like Lies With That?" @babylonandonanon
Democrat And Republican Children Show Off Their Halloween Costumes: Girl In Burqa And Dorothy From Wizard Of Oz @billgremm
You Know Who Else Performed Gender Affirming Surgeries? If You Guessed The Nazis, You Are Correct! @gwen42
Foolish Children Play With Ouija Board And Summon A Democrat @slinky
Self-Checkout Lanes Voted #1 Wonder Of The Modern World By Introverted Magazine @toejamfootball
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favorites:
For 855th Time, Solomon Has To Tell One Of His Wives He Will Not Add "Live, Laugh, Love" To The Book Of Proverbs @jcase2
French President Macron Invites All To Come And Participate In The Live Stream Of Les Miserables @nightrider
Husband Asks If Wife Can Summarize Her Stories With AI Before Sharing @vernhilda
Microsoft Lays Off Coal Miner Who Learned To Code @optimus_bardlederp
Local HOA Board Candidate Vows To Stop Donald Trump If Elected @thecatherder
Man Setting Fire To Your House Warns Extremists Might Try To Put It Out @oldhoss
Man Healed Of Blindness When Eye Doctor Stops Shining Searingly Bright Light In Eye @drconservativeprof
Church's Reformation Day Planning Committee Splits Into Four Denominations @bigc
Liberals Remind Their Kids There Are Only 56 Looting Days Before Christmas @flmax
After Speaking With His Accountant, Gavin Newsom Comes Out Against California's Wealth Tax @sdchuck22
Bonus - one randomly selected headline:
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our recap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments below.
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