Dear Vanessa,
My brother and I have inherited our parents' home. It's where we grew up, and I can't bear the thought of selling it. I'd love to keep it in the family, perhaps rent it out for a while and decide later.
My brother sees it differently. He wants to sell now and use his share of the money to pay down his mortgage. He says keeping the house would leave him waiting for money he needs, and that I'm being sentimental about something we now own together.
I understand his point, but every conversation ends in an argument. I'm worried we'll lose the house and damage our relationship at the same time. Is there a fair way through this?
Sentimental Sister.
Dear Sentimental Sister,
I can understand why this feels so hard. You're not just deciding what to do with a property; you're letting go of a place filled with family memories.
Your brother may feel just as strongly about receiving his share of an inheritance he could put to use now.
Money educator Vanessa Stoykov (pictured) gives advice to a woman who has just inherited a property with her brother
'I'm worried we'll lose the house and damage our relationship at the same time. Is there a fair way through this?' a woman writes to Vanessa. (Stock image posed by model)
Try to separate the memories from the practical decision.
First, agree on an independent valuation so you both know what the house is worth. Then look at the options: could you buy your brother's share at an agreed value? Could you both keep the property for a defined period, with a written agreement about costs, rent, repairs and when you'll review the decision?
Or is selling the fairest way for you both to receive your inheritance?
Be honest about what you can afford. Keeping a house can mean ongoing expenses as well as a mortgage, and it wouldn't be fair to either of you to make a promise that isn't financially workable.
If every conversation turns into a fight, ask a neutral professional to help you work through the choices. Before transferring ownership or signing anything, get advice about the legal and tax implications for your circumstances. The rules can depend on how the property is owned and where it is.
You can use my free service to find a financial adviser who suits your needs here.
Your parents' home matters. So does the relationship you and your brother have after this decision. Aim for an agreement that recognises both.
All the best, Vanessa.
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